i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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