If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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