Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
