i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
