she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
