that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
