We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
