the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
did you just send me my own nude
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
