New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
