im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
