You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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