how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
