I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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