did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dear god my vagina.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
