did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
