I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
