I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
