I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
