At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A bitchslap is in order.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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