i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
