im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
