my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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