A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
