I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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