Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
