Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
