Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
