Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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