Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
