She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
