your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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