Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
