The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
