Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
