i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
