It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
