My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
