beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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