well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
