i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
