why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
