just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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