there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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