You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Farmville is her only friend.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
