Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
