Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
