last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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