also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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