we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
