Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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