I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
