fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you had me at cake vodka
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
