Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
